I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
