Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
