1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
