oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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