I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
