Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
