Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i came on her dog
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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