i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
