shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
