Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
