If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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