he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
