You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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