haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
