don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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