please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
