I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone came in the potted fern
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
