Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
