you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
