I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
