just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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