my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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