Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
