take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pooping to opera.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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