I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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