i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
