Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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