i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
