Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love you.
Bad choice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
