I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
