$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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