I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??