If that was your dad, he is hot
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......