Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.