why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.