I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.