Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.