Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.