I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..