No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE