I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
