you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
