clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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