she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
