There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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