Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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