someone threw a dead crab at me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
