One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
