Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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