I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
