mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
