just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
