I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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