it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
