you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
