I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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