I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
