The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
