Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
