Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
