I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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