I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
