I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
