M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this just has baby written all over it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
