I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You need a sexual gate keeper
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
