I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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