oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize