we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
