Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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