Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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