Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
