I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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