I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
