Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
