ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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