if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
