I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
