I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
